Whether you love him or hate him, love to hate him or hate to love him, Kylo Ren is an integral player in the Disney-era Star Wars canon.
The Skywalker Saga is an epic of intense emotions, thrilling adventures, and tragic misunderstandings, and many of those failures in communication could have been avoided if there had been someone in the ensemble who was willing to just punch Kylo Ren in the face. Not a cruel punch in the face, mind you; just a nice quick clock on the jaw to pop him out of his rage feels and to think about his life choices for an additional thirty seconds before choosing violence.
Here are the top 10 moments that I would have chosen to actively punch Kylo Ren in the face. Honestly, it might have brought him away from the Dark Side three movies, several books, and quite a few casualties sooner.
10: Talking to Grandpa’s Broken Helmet
Listen, I get it: we all went through our emo phase in high school. However, most of us decorated our rooms with My Chemical Romance posters and not our mass-murdering grandfather’s busted-up life support helmet. Most of us also never monologued at our My Chemical Romance posters about our moral quandaries, which is more than I can say for Kylo Ren and Grandpa Vader’s twisted maw.
9: “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”
I understand where Kylo is coming from here. One of the things that I love so much about The Last Jedi is how it challenges the idea that a person has to be special or unique or powerful to be a hero. Who a person was matters less than who they could be. However, Kylo is throwing that quote around like a nihilistic freshman in a Psychology 101 class, and I feel my punching hand a-twitching.
8: Any Force Face-Time
WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH REY, KYLO, PUT DOWN THE FORCE PHONE.
7: Torturing Poe & Rey
Torturing protagonists isn’t cool, man, even with the Force. The Geneva Conventions don’t necessarily apply to the Star Wars universe, but it’s still a bad look that deserves a few good punches to the face. Also the line “You know I can take anything I want” is a BIG NO THANK YOU FROM ME.
6: Luke and Ben’s Big Misunderstanding
This one is a bonus punch! Honestly, I would like to take both Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo and bonk their heads together real quick here, so that they could STOP, take a breath, and not attempt murder on the other.
5: Please Put a Shirt On
I saw The Last Jedi at a midnight premiere in the front row center of the movie theater (I was really late in buying tickets), and I was seated between my dearest friend and a woman I did not know. When Adam Driver appeared in Rey’s deeply memorable (and deeply-memeable) No-Shirt-And-High-Waisted-Pants Force vision, this complete stranger and I said in unison, in identical tones of horror, “Oh NO.”
I think about that lady a lot. I hope she’s doing great.
4: An Entire Star System?! Really?!
I cannot emphasize how much I wanted to punch Kylo Ren in the face during one of the emotional climaxes of The Force Awakens. The entire plan with Starkiller Base was to wipe out the entire Hosnian System, which is like if you took the Death Star and turned it up to 11 and then pumped it full of triple-strength espresso, so if I had my way I’d punch him in the face approximately a billion times.
3: “You’re nothing. But not to me.”
Benjamin, negging is an unacceptable tactic for building trust and cooperation between individuals, I need you to take several steps back and think again about how you are speaking to Miss Rey, who has bested you quite a few times at this point and deserves more respect than that.
2: The Kiss Heard Round the Galaxy
I know a lot of folks loved the final moment between Rey and Ben Solo in The Rise of Skywalker but I, along with the entire midnight premiere theater, groaned and shouted at the screen. I, for one, have NOT forgiven the previous instances on this list, and so chalk up another face punch for Kylo, please!
1: Just Prior to Patricide
Look, I get it, you always wanted to be like your father and then neither of your parents were around for a lot of your childhood and thus agents of the Dark Side could worm their way into your psyche and lead you towards a path of mass murder, thus leading you to kill your father, etc. etc. Cool motive! Still murder.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.